Anxiety. It is a beastly creature. I have struggled with anxiety, mostly, in the last 6 years. As a teenager, I don't recall anxiety being an issue so much, but I battled depression. In adulthood, my biggest obstacle has been anxiety. I remember my first anxiety attack. It felt like a 50lb weight on my chest. I couldn't breathe. My heart was racing. My chest hurt. I couldn't calm down. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. I was at work and remember thinking, "They are going to have to call the EMT. Something is wrong with me." I was scared. Embarrassed. Because something WAS wrong with me. Anxiety can be debilitating. Luckily for me that day, I leaned on a friend, and was brave enough to stand up from my desk and just...pace. I walked. And walked some more. Until I eventually felt enough relief in my chest that I could get in my car and drive. I left work early that day. I spent the remainder of the evening on my couch, just trying to br
Early in my pregnancy, before we were telling anyone at all, I often found myself struggling with a lot of anxiety, especially surrounding events or social engagements. Not because I was scared friends and family would find out exactly, but because I was afraid I would have to talk about it. One particularly tough day was New Years Eve. I kept wavering between staying home and fulfilling our evening plans. One minute I felt okay about canceling, the next extreme guilt. It was on this day that I started keeping a list of ongoing "rules" for me to follow throughout pregnancy. I have been adding to them as I go. Whenever a situation comes up, a conversation takes place, a mental struggle is experienced, I look at these to help remind and guide myself to be kind to myself. Below are the rules I have acquired so far, and honestly, they can apply to anyone no matter your circumstance. Maybe they can help you as well. Pregnancy after Loss Rules: 1. I will say no. I will not be