Laughter and Life...

Early in my pregnancy, before we were telling anyone at all, I often found myself struggling with a lot of anxiety, especially surrounding events or social engagements. Not because I was scared friends and family would find out exactly, but because I was afraid I would have to talk about it. One particularly tough day was New Years Eve. I kept wavering between staying home and fulfilling our evening plans. One minute I felt okay about canceling, the next extreme guilt. It was on this day that I started keeping a list of ongoing "rules" for me to follow throughout pregnancy. I have been adding to them as I go. Whenever a situation comes up, a conversation takes place, a mental struggle is experienced, I look at these to help remind and guide myself to be kind to myself. Below are the rules I have acquired so far, and honestly, they can apply to anyone no matter your circumstance. Maybe they can help you as well.  Pregnancy after Loss Rules:  1. I will say no. I will not be...

I want to preface this post by saying that I wrote this (and a few others) before sharing our pregnancy news with the "world." I wanted to get some of my emotions and feelings out on paper, not really anticipating sharing it. However, I have always shared my health and fitness journey in hopes to help others along the way or at the very least, show that others are not alone. And that is my goal of sharing my experience with miscarriage and life afterwards. This is my experience written from my point of view. I am keeping it diary-style, rough and unpolished. 2/15/19 (15 weeks): Pregnancy after loss. I knew this would bring more anxiety and fear. More worry. It is very difficult to find true joy and excitement in something you are so aware can end without any warning. You hesitate to share the news because you can anticipate what other people will say.  And you don't want to hear any of it: Praying for you. How exciting! Congratulations! When are you due?  Everyone me...